Overall the feeling expressed hasn't been overdone or done in this way. Your poem describes such a subtle feeling: being distanced by 'lint' and and yet being made similar because of it, while having somehow never managed to penetrate deeper into one another's being. And that's the problem the narrator faces. Her solution, before she and her mate become worn from the outside like the coins she finds is to hand him a bag already packed with his things.

I don't know if this was your intention, but I felt that she'd recited this speech pretty much as she'd planned until the third stanza. He must have interjected about the glasses. But she wasn't thrown off by this and hands him the bag. The narrator's resignation really comes through from start to finish. She seemed very brave to me.

There are a couple of minor wording/ punctuation issues, which others can probably address better than I can. I seem to want the word 'the' between 'in' and 'closet'.

"you can touch and recognize" appears to express the idea of being able to know something by the sense of touch even in the dark. If so, perhaps the word 'and' could be changed to 'to'.

I don't mind 'meanwhile' in the third stanza. It hints at the possibility of things changing after the glasses, not because things may change (if she buys the eyeglasses, she will only see the dulled surfaces more clearly), but rather because the narrator might be in the habit of stifling (as by wool or lint) much of what she says to her mate. This also adds to the sharp contrast between mundane things like eye appointments and asking a mate to leave.

I like the ending very much. "All this lint", seems to have been said to herself or under her breath. It nicely conveys the idea of all the things that can't be packed up and taken away and how lint clings, if only to the surface.

I have to say, your subtle intelligence permeates this poem. It was a pleasure to read.

Aye, but doesn't the wool protect one from the rain, chill, and heat? At times, I think that knowing someone well enough to be sure that you can talk to that person about anything over and over again, knowing that the other will be interested in whatever it is you want to do, and/or knowing that the other will come to terms or a comprise is something many people in relationships strive for. Yes, a constant supply of this would become annoying or tedious, but that is what girl's night/guy's night out, little vacations with friends/family, reading a book, etc is for. They'll add a little spice to life and conversation with the probability of adding "distinct lines" as well.


Sorry. I got into this way too much.

The first stanza has much more of a poetic touch to it than the other two. The 2nd and 3rd stanza are more prosaic than anything else. Though I like the idea of using worn-out money as a metaphor in the 2nd stanza to support your "woolen" claim, I believe you shouldn't stop there. Show us - the readers - more instances that have lead you to your conclusion. Your technique and vision suffered because of your lack of fluidity between the stanzas and your lack of supporting your overall claim.

If I were you, I'd change the first stanza to prosaic but keep the modernistic ideals, of course, unless you want to upset Ezra Pound. Then add more stanzas to support your claim, thereby lengthening your piece, adding fluidity, and entertaining your readers.

So far, I like your metaphors and overall idea. Though I don't necessarily agree with your idea, I still believe that is a wonderful idea to write about nonetheless.

I hope this isn't too harsh, dear, I honestly like it. Hence the four stars for impact. Just take my critique into consideration if you feel up to it.

&

-Joe-

P.S. I said idea and claim too much, didn't I? I didn't have my coffee yet, so perhaps you can excuse me?